Trading in my pen for a crazy carpet...

2009 is almost done and I'm feeling introspective. I say I'm feeling introspective because I haven't been able to write anything of note in a while now. I've been paralized by my current situation and I'm finding it hard to write how I'm feeling. The words flee my body rather than trickle through my finger tips. Maybe it's my current employment situation, or maybe it's that I'm soon to be 40. Whatever the reason there is one positive thing that has come out of this condition. I've stopped pondering and thinking. Before you let out a collective gasp that is sure to fog even my computer screen-let me clarify. I think that as a writer, one is tempted to isolate themselves and write. Or, at the very least isolate yourself and ponder writing. The problem with being so centered on prose is that you forget to experience life outside your writing. The Catch-22 is that writing is infinately better when it comes from experince. Your writing and creativity are boyed by the textures of life - the stuff going on outside your window. So, perhaps in this creative down time or cycle, I should just be happy experiencing what is happening in the now. So, I'll bundle up, get outside and leave my pen at home. Or, maybe even use my yellow pad as a crazy carpet. Then I'll file all of these experiences away and bring them to life when a muse comes knocking. That is IF the muse can find my door...and I'm actually home.

AAUGH!!!!

I'm kinda at the end of my rope. I'm broke. And when I say broke I'm not talking about woman broke. You know, where women say they don't have money, but the actually have about $900 in the bank and a couple of twenties in their purse. Nope, I'm broke. I honestly can say I have less then a five in my bank and a few coins in my pocket. Oh, did I mention the bills are due? The reason for this financial distress is that I'm out of work and have been since Sept. 11th. Why am I out of work? Because I left. Why did I leave my place of employment of 3 years? Because I trusted a "feeling". I woke up one morning and thought that perhaps I could do better for my family. That perhaps I could move home and be of assistance to my mother and sister (who was in the middle of a custody situation between her husband over my niece). However, I've been here now for 4 months and nothing...the money I had saved is gone and Christmas is coming. It got me to wondering, why did I listen to that voice in my heart? I keep listening for guidance and the voice that said "move" has now gone silent. Maybe my frustration is so loud that I can't hear it. That or the arguments with my wife are so loud I can't hear it. I'm beat up by this whole thing. I'm trying to keep the faith and listen for that voice. I'm hoping for a Christmas miracle... but I keep thinking of that Charlie Brown Christmas special when Linus turns to Charlie and says, "Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Brownie-ist." That's me right now. 3 months ago the football was there for me to kick, but today I ran up and someone pulled it away...good grief.

Nice bit of advertising...

I saw this today and actually like it quite a bit. It strikes a chord and makes me think. I think it's the most you can hope for in today's rush, rush world where we are bombarded by a flood of images and noise. This would make me stop and think. It's one in a series of ads featuring world leaders all saying the same thing. To me that's lazy writing - but maybe the writer's hope was that the repitition of the same phrase really drives home the argument. Fine. I'm just saying with this kind of high profile ad, I would have written a different quote for each one...but maybe that's why I'm an unemployed writer...

New Pet Peeve....

I'm about to start breaking up the joint like Luke Cage.
Ok, so I've found a new pet peeve. Something that is more aggravating than sand in your swim trunks. It's companies who don't reply AT ALL when you send an e-mail for a job that they have posted. I can cut a company some slack if you're just cold calling them or sending a resume out of the blue - I get that. But if a company has posted a "help wanted" sign and you respond to said sign - send a brother an e-mail back would you??? I mean come on! Send me something that says I'm not qualified. Send me something that says, "how dare you even consider applying for this position, moron!" Just send me SOMETHING. I've got a thick skin I can take it. Heck, how hard can it be to set up an automated response that shoots out an e-mail saying, "We received your resume. Thanks for applying"? I keep sending myself "TEST" e-mails just to make sure my account is working. I call to follow up and all I get is voice mail and then no one calls back. It's almost as aggravating as people who offer you the freelance job and then don't get back to you for months saying, "we're still trying to figure out the assignment, but hang tight - we'll let you know." It's been 3 months of this and I'm about ready to lose it. If you're sick and tired of it too - send me an e-mail at thestevejohn@yahoo.com. I'm pretty busy though- I may not get back to you...